I’m dying inside.  I don’t know what the fuck to do.  The only thing that remotely helps my anxiety is Klonopin, and that doesn’t always help.  I think I’m addicted to those fuckers.  But they’re soooooo good, I feel great once they kick in.  I feel like I’m in a constant state of distress and or panic.  Something always aches, racing thoughts, shaking etc.  I can’t stand it.  I need change, serious change.  I keep thinking how great it would be if I could just magically stay home and run errands all day.  I hate having to go to school and work, it’s so draining.  My buddy I carpool with/ have all the same classes with DRIVES ME FUCKING INSANE!!!! I want to just scream in his face, tell him to grow the fuck up and hit him so hard he falls like a sack of potatoes.  There are very few places and people I truly feel comfortable around.  I hate the idea of “the grind”.  It’s such a stupid fucking idea, work all day then go home to do chores around the house then go to sleep and repeat the process.  I don’t know that I can handle doing that for 45 years.  I either want to skip ahead to retirement or back to kindergarten.  When I look in the mirror, I see so much pain and sorrow in my eyes and face, but no one else can.  I block my emotions from everyone somehow.  Even though I can read most people like an open book. I don’t even know the point of this post but it feels good to get all my thoughts written down as they happen.  This is what I think about all fucking day, on top of all the other issues/problems in my life.  Sometimes I feel like the male version of Nancy Botwin.